Asked about the 2000 presidential election, former Vice President Dan Quayle said, "I am confident that the Republican party will pick a nominee that will beat Bill Clinton."

Billy-Bob takes a big swig of milk from a carton found in the refrigerator. The "use by date" is one month prior. He spits out the milk and exclaims to Bobby-Joe, "Eeeeeewwwww! This tastes like sh*t! Taste it!" Bobby-Joe says, "Okay, gimme here." After tasting the rancid milk, they put the milk carton back into the refrigerator.

Bobby-Joe slams his finger with a hammer. Billy-Bob asks, "Did that hurt?"

Anywhere, Anytown at 2:00AM: Telephone rings… "merber-merber-unintelligible…." "Oh! Did I wake you?"

Newscaster #1: "We have never witnessed an impeachment process in over 130 years." Newscaster #2: "Well, certainly not on television."

.

Monica: "What is that clicking noise?" Linda: "Oh, I’m just cracking my gum."

Receptionist: "I’m sorry, Sir, I am the only one in the office today." Caller: "Are you saying that no one is there?" Receptionist: "Nooooooo. I’m saying that I am the only person in the office today." Caller: "I know that. I mean, ‘is there anyone there who is important?’"

Ro (answering telephone): "This is Ro. How may I help you? Caller: "Uh, yeah. I’m looking for Ro?" Ro: "THIS is Ro. How may I help you?" Caller: "Uh, is this Ro?" Ro: [click]

Elevator passenger #1: "Does this elevator go up?" Elevator passenger #2: "No, it only goes down." Elevator passenger #1: "Gee, thanks!", as he exits the elevator.

Woman to child in cast and sling:"Did you break your arm?"

Man in wheelchair: "Can you tell me how to get to Suite 500?" Woman passerby: "Yeah. Take those stairs to the fifth floor."

During a record setting heatwave in Any Town: "I’m hot. Are you hot?

Warning label on Draino drain cleaner: "Not for internal use."

Man to Man: "Did you get a haircut?"

As a couple leaving a movie theater is passing a line waiting to get into the theater: "Well, it really wasn’t worth all of the hype – although finding out that Darth Vader WAS Luke Skywalker’s father was a surprise!